With my ex-husband and I, when we separated, there WAS no reconciliation because he left me and he with multiple women after me. Dating never crossed my mind, getting my life back on track and in good financial shape was the only thing keeping me going. A close coworker talked to me about his marriage problems, and eventually they were separated, living in different households. He was also dating someone well before the separation as well, and told her he was divorcing his wife. He's taken back the divorce papers and they are working with counselors to save their marriage. And divorce is a huge deal, financially, socially and mentally.
It's not easy, even if it was a simple no contest divorce. There is no such thing as a separated man - they're either single or married. Four months is a short time to be considering marriage. Of concern also is the reason that he doesn't want a divorce; because he doesn't want to pay child support.
It was an in-between area that could have only gone one of two ways. I guess you could say the pieces of the puzzle just didn't fit at the time.
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You say that they have joint custody, which is good. If his wife is on food stamps, she has very limited finances which means that the children suffer.
What does he contribute other than keeping them a few days a week?
Look at it as does he want to change to potentially have me in his life?If he's comfortable with the status quo, then let him be comfortable with the status quo by himself. He's getting some companionship and doesn't have to deal with the fallout of his marriage.You're keeping him emotionally warm at night, while you're freezing because you gave him the extra blanket.What's happening here is the classic case of "a little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing." For many people, men and women, singledom when you don't want to be is a whole lot of nothing.This is how you end up in these shoe horn type relationships, because being single and happy all the time exhausting.
It's no different than being in a relationship and happy all the time.