We help them feel heard, acknowledged, understood and accepted. It was obvious by his face that he was scared and I wanted to share, understand, and validate his feeling.
Sometimes validation entails listening, sometimes it is a nod or a sign of agreement or understanding, sometimes it can be a hug or a gentle touch. But after I asked if he were a little bit scared and before he had a chance to answere the other social worker interupted us and in a scolding tone of voice told him there was nothing to be afraid of! When someone is experiencing a strong feeling, sometimes we "try to help" by telling her or him "it's not so bad." This attempt to minimize the negative experience -- to save someone from the struggle, actually undermines the effort to help.
It's sad when she's not home." "Yah," admitted Max, reaching out closer to me.
"She's such a good snuggler, and so warm and just right.
Then he would look me in the eye and say something like "That must have been hard!
" He would smile out of love and I would feel so much relief that I wasn't crazy for feeling what ever I felt.
" I suspect he heard my effort to minimize his feelings: "GO Away Daddy. Again, part of me felt rejected and wanted to go away.
The information in Skillful Means (SM) is no substitute for professional psychological or physical health care, nor for mature spiritual guidance.
The relationship will be better because with more validation you are going to have less debating, less conflicts, and less disagreement. When a person is feeling down, these bonds are sometimes all that another person needs to begin to feel better and solve their own problems.
You will also find that validation opens people up and helps them feel free to communicate with you. On the other hand, when they are feeling excited and enthusiastic, this validation encourages them and helps keep their spirits high.
Whatever I had felt would just unravel and pass away.